Short Story Month - On a Roll by Tania Hershman

From her debut collection, The White Road and Other Stories, Tania Hershman's "On a Roll" begins:

Holding them by the heels, I set the sandals on the cloth.  My naked toes twitch and wriggle.   The croupier's expression doesn't flicker, as if women bet their shoes during every roulette game.

While the bulk of this seven page story involves gambling, roulette and a short dip into the actual purchasing of the $645 shoes in question, Hershman hits the reader with a blow to the temple about 85% of the way through with the inclusion of a paragraph about her personal history.  It's a subtle weaving in of almost an explanation for the unnamed narrator's actions.  I say subtle though as it's not heavy handed - there's no neon sign pointing to the paragraph, no Cliff's Note header stating pay attention.  Its inclusion however, this paragraph, makes the story's ending, which without this paragraph would still be strong, pure dynamite.

I'm afraid that including the paragraph in ths post spoils the story for any potential reader of Tania's collection, and having read about a third of it last night, I heartily suggest any potential readers become actual readers in the near future.

I'd love to hear the history of this story from Tania.  Was it longer and more detailed in any earlier forms?  Did she weed out the woman's backstory until this was all that remained?  Did this bit of backstory get included near the end of the story - something missing noticed by writer?

Comments

[Tania Hershman]

Dan,
thank you so much for talking about my story. I will break with my policy, and explain a little. After I'd written it, this story was chosen to be broadcast on BBC Radio 4, by the same producer who had produced the title story of my book, The White Road, for Radio 4 a year earlier. He is a fabulous editor and he suggested changes to the story which were invaluable. I had liked the premise of this story, but had, as is often the case, thrown in too much - including an extra character who was unecessary and was swiftly dispatched!

He suggested I bring in something about the main character's backstory, to put what happens in perspective. The paragraph you were referring to is something I had always known about the main character but had thought it didn't need to be stated, that maybe that would make it somehow too much. But when I put it in, and with the other edits, I saw that it fitted. It's very often hard with a short story, since the writer knows the character and the backstory so intimately, to see how much a reader needs to know, that fine line between hints and full-blown explanation. There are no rules here, and very often having an objective pair of eyes look it over is the best way. Jeremy and I then worked together again on a third story for Radio 4, one which was commissioned and so he read the first draft, made suggestions etc... I'd never done that before, it was a wonderful process, I hope I can do it again.

Thanks for including my story!